Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I'm alot more like Creed (The Office USA) than you'd think. For one thing, you know how I'm always wondering about why I have a blog? The reality is, I write blog posts all the time. I just write them in a TextEdit document called "blog". [The entirety of the following post, and the paragraph just read, is the "blog" document copied and pasted. All from today.]


why is everyone walking around like they've got scoliosis these days?

I just tried to type "scoliosis" and textedit thought it was spelt incorrectly. The spell check suggestion? "schoolhouses"...helpful. Why is everyone walking around like they've got schoolhouses?

Why do preganant women wear tight white pants? It's just not a good look for anyone, ok?

why do people (including myself) make a yawning face when they feel awkward. but they aren't really yawning. Do you ever notice that? I think it's because we all feel a little less stupid if we can try to convince someone we aren't REALLY that stupid, we're just tired. I was talking to my dad about how he has so much respect for people that work with mentally challenged persons. He was talking to his buddy who did it for alot of years who said that the most difficult part isn't dealing with people that have actual mental disabilities (or different abilities, I think is the more PC way to talk about it) but it's when you have to get back out into the real world and deal with people that, for all intensive purposes, should be able to think and operate on their own and they are STILL idiots. pretty good point I think.

I bet people drink twice as much foamed milk than they do normal milk.

I like seeing a big man walk into starbucks. He's got the old white walls hair do. He's wearing a gold watch, and it's glowing atop his skin so baked in the sun. His hands are rough and sturdy. He's got steel toe boots on. His navy t-shirt is tucked into his jeans. His mustache and shades all skin so darkened by the unforgiving sun all say the same thing: This man works. He doesn't look sheepish like so many other men that wander guiltily into a Starbucks alone in the middle of the day to satisfy that guilty pleasure, but then chicken out when they get to the barista (probably because the person is called a barista) and order the biggest, darkest coffee you can think of, with an extra shot of espresso. Not this man. He's sure. He knows exactly what he wants. "Tall strawberries and cream frappiccino, extra whip cream." And he doesn't even say please. This guy is my hero.


I should write down things I love:
-laughing with strangers.
-black pens and white, blank paper
-breaking glass
-watching excited dogs look around
-imagining what Gary Larson would say about something.

maybe I should write little posts about people that are pretty important to me these days. Liiike Jody...

recent quotes:
"what are we going to do?" (in 'yoda' voice)
(after discussing her hatred for touching wet paper and being asked about paper cups...)"i mean, I don't love a dixie..."


I rescued a lady from some canker worms yesterday. Pretty much, I'm a hero because she was tweaking out.

I should tell Caleb that I no longer even have the impulse to make eyes and flirt across the room anymore. Amazing, because I used to be pretty unstoppable.

Caleb told me the other day about this article he read about Lu Lu Lemon and why their sweat pants and leggings are so popular and it's because they are constructed to make women's asses look really good. And they do this by spreading your ass cheeks apart eeever so slightly. I already wasn't a huge fan be we are now into full on disapproval and creepi-ness. We are buying pants to spread our ass cheeks apart? Does that seem counter-intuitive to anyone else?



IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE? CAN'T A WOMAN JUST SPORT HER SQUISHED AND FUNNY BUM ANY LONGER? Why the hell would you wear gitch? Oh wait you probably just sport the thong under there which is another whole MESS of counter-intuitive problems for me. Don't even get me started on thongs. I just don't get it. I spend so much of my day trying to get the gitch unwedged from my ass I can't understand why you would purposefully ram something up there. I guess this is where Lu Lu lemon pants could save my life: if i've got my left cheek spread half way around my waist, I guess there's no more opportunity for wedgies...

Caleb does the best impression of that news reporter going nuts over that lizard jumping on him. That video is probably the best thing I've ever seen on youtube. Caleb makes me laugh really, really hard. But the thing is, so do i.

[there you go. edit-free and a touch of chaos. It's the best I can do for now. Or at least the best I care to do. I thought the pictures were pretty good though.]

7 comments:

Sharelle said...

i.can't.breathe.

i just read that post, in its entirety, at 12:40 am, and i am sitting here in my room, laughing so hard, i can feel tears in my eyes.

and i live in a preeety small apartment, so deb is probably going to wake up any minute :)

bonnie, you have no excuse not to blog.

ever.

you are one of the best damn ranters out there. i could read your rants all day long.

you just paralleled mr. jack handy himself right there. and you better believe that is the best compliment i have given in months.

MAN i miss you.

(and where do i find this caleb video?)

Holly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Holly said...

i hope you don't mind i still read this, but thiat left-cheek-around-the-waist thing made me laugh out loud at work, which is preeetty hard to do these days. so thanks.

*i deleted my previous post because i am bad at spelling*

Holly said...

and now i have "thiat" staring me in the face.

aejrussin said...

i must harness this power for good... or at least 'alright'.

i am home in 70 days and i look forward to spending some time with you! please?

tiffany said...

oh bother, bonnie dowls...
that was unbelievable. i needed this.
i need you.
can we hang real soon?
what are you doing friday after 6:30?

Spiro said...

faaaaaaanTASTIC. i was thinking jack handey myself as i was reading.