feeling S.M.R.T.

1. Today I was walking home thinking, "hey, i know how to tell my house keys that look identical apart (one is for the building front door, one for the apartment front door) - one of them is "facing in" (that is, the teeth face "in") and the other is "facing out"!" Problem solved I thought. SO, i came home later and was working furiously to get my front door key (the one facing in) to open the $#*%(#^ door for oooh...a solid 3 minutes. "But it's facing IN" I thought furiously to myself, glancing over my shoulder at the wino sitting on the curb watching me. "Great, they changed the #@%^ locks. Perfect." Nearly defeated, well actually entirely defeated, I tried the 'wrong' key.  . . . as it turns out, the way that one's keys "face" depends on the way in which one is holding their key ring. awesome. 

2. The cat was acting like an orangotan and tearing around the apartment (which includes jumping up one's leg, and also jumping onto one's ass to do a little cliff hanging). "Oh, he needs water. Great. I'll fill up his water dish in the kitchen and carry it, full to the brim, into his little cat room. (instead of bringing the pitcher to the room to fill up the dish)," I thought.

 Tip:  Full dish of water + cat's claws dug into your ass = full glass of cold water dumped onto your head and face and everything around you. 

3. After drying off, I thought I should light some incense. "Strange. This incense doesn't seem to be lighting. I'll just keep trying"... unless they make 'burning stick' scented incense, i lit the wrong end. cl-ass-ic. 

aaaand that's just the last 20 minutes of my life. 

whoops...

Today I accidentally said a bad word (it wasn't the worst bad word...it rhymes with pit. 

it was shit.) at a staff meeting and we had a visitor sitting in...so...

it's that time again...

Here are the movies I cannot WAIT to see this fall...

Let's start with the obvious:

Where the Wild Things Are 

(be still my childish little heart...i'm already crying...also, let's play a game called "how many blogs is this image on?" I'm betting  upwards of 10 thousand...blogs that I know of.)

FAME 

(I'm gonna live forever...Jody and I spent an hour a day watching Fame for about a year. I am going to NOT see it until she gets back from Zambia and I caaannnotttt WAIT.) 

Art & Copy

 looks good...might take Don...and it's already in theatres

Taking Woodstock

 new Almost Famous? not a chance. but still good. 

New York, I love you

A new Paris, J'Taime? Likely.

I'm sure there's more, but I'm boring myself with all this enthusiasm. So here are the movies I will NOT be seeing this  summer/fall:

Legion (gross)

Saw VI (SO gross) 

St. Trinians (but I'm pretty sure if I still lived with Ms. Kristina Janzen I'd try really hard to convince her to see it with me...oohhh boy I miss the good old days. And HOW did Colin Firth end up in that? Yowza. )

Ponyo (Disney, Disney, Disney...where did you go wrong?) 

a bip and a bop and a bibbideedee

Caleb informed me the other day that he and his friend Geoff rap while they're driving in the car. This tidbit of information has turned into a bonnie-and-caleb-rap-extravaganza...WHICH hit its high note last night following the evening service at St. Margaret's...

here are my favourite selections (ps. I'm at work right now, on a 'lunch-break' (without lunch) and I thiiiink I just heard someone let out a major toot downstairs...oooh church work...it doesn't get better.)

alright, back to the rap...

C: "here we are just hangin' in the kitchen"
B: "just gonna do a little bit of itchin'" (followed by some (much needed) wedgie removal and arm-pit scratching)

C: "here we are just hangin' in the study"
B:"looks like I've got a brand new buddy..."
C: "look at these books I'm gonna read"
Bonnie comes up blank
C: "read, read, read, read....I know how to fill time."
.................... ....... .. ..........

Bonnie: Hey, we should do a rappin children's sermon..
Caleb: "welcome to church all you..."
Bonnie: "Welcome to church all you sinners, I hope you didn't eat too much dinner,
'cause you'll get all chubby and round and weak
Caleb: "and then you'll know the meaning of meek"

...not theologically correct. BUT cut-ting-edge.

Summer Reading (thank goodness)

Well. It's 2:43 and I'm working on a paper due in a few short hours. No better time than to come up with some words for Good Rocky. But in actual fact, tonight marks a particularly special occasion (as though procrastination weren't enough) because I've finally figured out a practical use for this blog...

Summer Reading List (I feel like if I publish my intentions, I might actually get around to them instead of relying on the old rolling stone to get me through...)

"Black Lamb and Grey Falcon" by Rebecca West.
Apparently the (not a) greatest book written in the twentieth century. David's mentioned it in about 4 consecutive (and brilliant) sermons and Kirsten is reading it right now. Let's just say: I'm a kool-aid drinker. But also it sounds fantastic.

"Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell
My parents gave it to me for my birthday and one of their good friends (and trusted critic) has read it twice now and really enjoyed it. It's a bestseller which I usually steer clear of (it's just the romantic in me, I like old things) but I've read the first chapter and so far so good. Well done newbie, you made the list.

"Letter to a Priest" by Simone Weil
I realized today I've never read it.

"A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon Vanauken
One of the best women I know gave this to me, I can't wait to get into it. It looks spectacular.

"Descent into Hell" or "War in Heaven" by Charles Williams
More kool-aid drinking? Sort of. But mostly I just think he's brilliant. Even if he doesn't know how to use a comma.

"Church Dogmatics" by Karl Barth
Kidding. I read them on a need-to-preach basis.

That's all I can think of right now. I think I may also need to make a summer writing list.

Anyhow, one for the fall:

Dante's "Divine Comedy" but I'm awaiting the return of my guide.

more fun with bon & cal

(bonnie & caleb are sitting on the bed, after a night of precious little sleep, and it's still before breakfast...)

Bonnie: (whining about how bad this presentation is..) "I am boring myself to death. I can't believe I'm going to do this. I would rather stick a fork up my bum."

Caleb: "..which end?"

fun with bon & cal

Yesterday, I realized that when I get asked "so, how's married life?" I feel a little like a squirrel shitting pine-cones: not quite sure what to do. Today I realized that I have an answer. For Caleb and I, married life has so far been things like this:

Bonnie: "you know when places have those big hand drying towels in the bathroom that go around in a loop?"

Caleb: "yea"

Bonnie: "I always feel like I'm drying my hands on some guys underpants."

Caleb: "...well..you might be."

.......... ........... ........... .. . . .

(Bonnie & Caleb are trying to cross a busy street...on foot)

Bonnie: "whoa, I really double clutched it there."

Caleb rolls his eyes: "yes you did..do you think you're going to make it?"

Bonnie: "Hey, if I'm an idiot and you married me, what does that make you?"

........ ........ . . . ...... . .. .
(bonnie & Caleb are walking to the grocery store, arm in arm)

Bonnie: (finishes pretending to be blind) "hey, wait, I'm going to pretend to be more things." (followed by staring straight ahead and not saying anything...that is, pretending to be deaf.)

Caleb: "I'm going to *#(@! and *#*% into @*(&#@ "

Bonnie: "Are you pretending to have Tourette Syndrome?"

Caleb: "No, I'm pretending you're deaf."